There are two lives everybody lives, the one in their head and the one they act out. Sexual fantasies are part of everyone’s lives, the ones we all live in our heads.
Call it a kink or fetish, sexual fantasies are not a waste of time and are not usually unrealistic. It can significantly improve your daily life. Fantasizing about sex not only gives an instant rush of libido. A 2009 study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin reveals that fantasizing about sex can make you more creative and boost your analytical thinking skills.
What are sexual fantasies?
Sexual fantasies are mental images, scenarios, or thoughts that can make you aroused. Although society has tagged some sexual fantasies as taboo, they are a normal part of human sexuality.
Due to how passionately they connect with our emotions, many people have been able to reach orgasm through them, even while they are unable to do so with their typical sexual acts.
Common Sexual Fantasies
Most often, sexual fantasies overlap; hence difficult to assign them a single category. This is why you might find certain sexual fantasies mentioned as an example in different categories. The result of a study that comprises over 4,000 participants suggests that the most common sexual fantasies are:
1. Multipartner Sex
Multipartner sex often includes things like threesomes, gangbang, orgies/group sex, and voyeurism.
Threesome
This is a common sexual fantasy involving you (the dreamer) and two other people. It can give the thrill of being desired by multiple at once, thereby making you feel intensely “seen” or attractive.
Gangbang
A gangbang is a group sex activity involving one person and multiple sexual partners. The central person is typically pleasured sequentially (one after another) or simultaneously by other participants. Adult content creator, Bonnie Blue, went viral for claiming to have slept with over 1,000 men in just 12 hours.
Orgies/Group sex: Think of a party with five or more people, but instead of drinks and music being the highlight, sex is in abundance. It is often referred to as a play party or a sex party hosted in private homes or dedicated clubs. It often involves people having sex with different partners or groups rather than focusing on a single person or staying in a single pair.
Voyeurism/Cuckoldry
A fantasy that involves watching your partner have sex with someone else, or you being watched by your fantasy while having sex. While cuckolding is presumed to be a male-only fantasy, it has been reported to be a fantasy of females alike. Meanwhile, the percentage tilts more to the men’s side.
I find that my erotic fantasies are derived from a desire to experience visual sexual gratification with my girlfriend from a THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE- a vantage point that is wholly different and unique. Rather than experiencing the normal point of view of, for example, seeing her on her knees in front of me, taking me into her mouth, instead, I view this same scenario from an observer’s vantage point, seeing a perspective never seen or experienced before. From the third persons’ vantage point, I can, thus, see the penis go in and out, her sucking it from a different perspective and angle, a change that elicits sexual excitement. Moreover, watching her having intercourse with him, he mounted on top of her, ass cheeks tightening each time he thrusts into her womb. Wow!! How could I ever see that myself from the first-person perspective? Yes, active involvement and participation are very gratifying but seeing it from a different vantage point is erotic and exciting too- and THAT is the basis of the fantasy in my view.
This fantasy involves a relationship where partners mutually agreed not to be sexually or romantically exclusive to one another. Although it might be the sole fantasy of a partner, it is crucial for everyone involved to know about it and agree to the arrangement. It helps eliminate cheating or breach of trust in the relationship. This is called Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) or Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM).
Common nonmonogamous relationships include:
Swinging
The fantasy is more recreational than relationship-wise. Couples might swap partners at a party or club. It may also involve couples having group sex rather than dating separately.
Polyamory
Poly is a prefix from an ancient Greek word “polloi,” which means many. The goal of such fantasy is to have more than one romantic relationship simultaneously. It transcends sex solely and involves emotional connections. For hierarchical polyamory, one partner, usually a couple or main lovers in the relationship, prioritizes their relationship while other people in the relationship are considered “secondary”. In a non-hierarchical polyamory relationship, no partner is prioritized over others by default, although some partners in the relationship might form stronger bonds than they do with others.
Open Relationship
It is analogous to hierarchical polyamory except that the partners involved may not know each other. The involved couple would allow sexual contact with others but prioritize their own romantic bond. The outside connections are typically casual or purely sexual, not romantic.
Relationship Anarchy
This kind of relationship defies traditional dating. The relationship terms are determined by the partners, not what is naturally expected according to social norms. For instance, partners might decide not to call or refer to one another as lovers but instead “friends”. For RA participants, no relationship is considered superior to another. A friend can be as important to you as a sexual partner. No one has a “claim” over another person’s time, body, or choices. Commitments are made because you want to be there, not because a social contract obligates you.
3. Romance and Intimacy
Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated. These fantasies take it a step further by yearning to be sexually desired. It involves meeting these emotional needs through sex. Intimacy is beyond just the physical; it is about feeling truly connected with the person you are having sex with. The sex is considered more passionate and satisfying this way. Every physiological response that pertains to sex, such as vaginal wetness (in the female partner) and full erection (in the male partner), happens with ease—the body syncs during sexual activities without any need for enhancement.
Like most fantasies, more people fantasise about BDSM and rough sex than those who have actually experienced it. One study estimated that 1 in 10 people in the U.S. have had some form of BDSM sex for pleasure. Meanwhile, another study revealed that nearly 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone in a sexual context.
It can be in different themes, such as objectification, where the dreamer is being treated like an object purely for pleasure. This removes ego from the act by handing over control to the dominant partner (dom). It may also be in the form of consensual non-consent (CNS), which means there is consent before the act, but it is performed as though the dom does not request consent, thereby involving struggles or protest from the submissive partner (sub). Women have a stronger preference for sexual submission than men do.
Most importantly, it is performed based on a strong foundation of trust and respect. The fact that someone’s fantasy is to be objectified or treated roughly during sex does not mean they want to be assaulted or disrespected in real life. The use of neutral safewords, which are decided before the start of the act, such as taking cues from a traffic light, helps keep everyone in check. “Green,” for instance, can indicate, “I like it, keep going”; “Yellow” can signify discomfort, and “Red” communicates the need to stop everything immediately.
Due to its emotional intensity, cuddling after BDSM sex can help calm partners and reaffirm their bond.
Common types of these fantasies include:
Bondage
This involves a consensual practice of limiting a partner’s movement using materials like ropes, handcuffs, and spreader bars. Depending on the fantasy, it can offer sexual, psychological, or aesthetic pleasure.
Discipline
Discipline in BDSM is simply a power dynamic. With an established framework, the submissive is ordered by the dominant partner to perform certain activities. The punishment in BDSM is often eroticized
Through agreed-upon rules and punishments, a dominant partner can exercise control over a submissive partner. Such controls might involve the dom banning the sub from using certain slags, making eye contact or using specific titles. The sub might also be ordered to kneel whenever the Dom enters the room or only cum when the Dom permits.
Dominance
It is a role that involves taking pyschogical and physical authority during sex or outside of the bedroom to facilitate pleasure, catharsis, or emotional fulfillment for both partners.
Submission
Submission involves a submissive partner showing obedience to the dom’s actions and wishes. If your fantasy is to be dominated or sexually controlled, then you might be a submissive. It basically includes doing what you are being told without hesitation, resistance, or question. Of course, with the safe words in place to call things off when you are not comfortable with certain actions or orders. Depending on your fantasy, your submissive role might be only bedroom-only, which means only during sex; service submissives might include doing what the dom ordered, which might not be limited to sexual activities only; pet submissiveness might require you to act or role-play like a pet. Slave submissive is an extreme type whereby you give your entire body and decision-making over to the dom.
Sadism
Sadism literally means deriving pleasure, which may include sexual gratification, by inflicting pain on another person or humiliating them.
Masochism
Masochism is the inverse of sadism, in that the dreamer derives sexual pleasure when pain or some kind of suffering is added to them.
5. Taboo Activities
Sexual fantasies, including taboo activities, may range from typical sexual fantasies to those that seem unrealistic or unachievable. They may seem normal, but just might be a taboo to the dreamer based on the context, their beliefs, or environment. Below are examples shared by some Reddit users:
A user, Imissyourgirlfriend2, disclosed their taboo activity-related sexual fantasy thus: “Going up to the roof of my apartment complex with a blanket and some candles and roses and having sex with a space prostitute.”
Another user, nittlefleck, narrated, “so one of mine growing up was banging a girl made of some kind of translucent gelatinous substance – the upside being that the lubrication would be great, and you could totally see yourself thrusting in and out of her”.
magnitude-of-light: “I can instant clone my boyfriend 10 times and do all of them at the same time”.
canhead83: “My adopted sister. We aren’t related at all and I would never actually do it.”
brickmack: “My cousin. Or either of my aunts. We are related, and I’d totally do it if they were interested.”
Cpt_Dirtbag: “Either sex with my friends’ significant others (they have pretty good taste) or sex with my manager since she’s hot as fuck.”
jen7en: “Having sex in public but NOT for the thrill of being caught. I want to have sex in public and for everyone who sees to be totally OK with it. I think I was a bonobo in a previous life.”
larrieuxa: “it’s not THAT taboo, its really more self-absorbed than taboo. but i frequently fantasize about having sex with 3-4 guys at once, with all the activity focussed on getting me and me alone off. they can orgasm of course and they probably would, but nevertheless all the actual effort from multiple guys is all on me and its like a sensory overload with hands and dicks and tongues all over me so that there’s barely any of me not being touched and worshipped.”
Other common sexual fantasies include:
PHOTO Credit: Hogtied via Pornpics
6. Gender-Bending and Homoeroticism
7. Novelty, Adventure, and Variety
8. Oral Sex
9. Gang Bangs
10. Infidelity
11. Anal Sex
12. Incest
13. Sex With a Stranger
14. Sex With a Boss
15. Sex in Public
16. Sex with a Celebrity
17. Public Sex
18. Sex with tutor (lecturer, professor, or teacher)
Trying my hand at number 3. Wish me luck.